A Question

God, I mean no disrespect but I have to ask the question…
    “How hard is it for You to speak?”

Yes, I know You have spoken to me before.
Yes, I know that in my fear I chose not to respond.

But PLEASE, do not leave me in the muted land!

The only thing more frightening than the thunder of Your voice
Is the deafening sound of Your silence!

So what am I to do when the words of Yours that I read
do not match the life in which I’m living?

Is this what it means to walk by faith and not by sight?
Is this what it means to take up my cross and follow You?

If so, then I must cry out,

“I still believe…but help my unbelief!
Increase my faith for I feel that I am faltering!”

I know that like Job and Jonah I risk Your wrath in questioning,
But what else am I to do?

Granted I have uttered what I do not understand,
    things too wonderful for me…

But what else am I to do?

At least Job received an answer…
At least Jonah received a leviathan…
What have I received?!

I already know the answer.

I have received Your promises.
I have received Your faithfulness.
I have received Your mercy, grace and love.

Yet, it doesn’t seem enough.
Why can’t it be enough!

Why can’t I be still and know You are God?
Why can’t I rest in Your promises?

The road just seems too dark
    too to lonely
        too long.

Why must we walk it at all?

I guess that really is my question,
    That’s really all I want to know.

Why this road?
    Why us?

Like Peter, I’m really not going anywhere.
He was right, You know…
You alone have the words of life…

I’d just like to hear them from You…not from leather…from You.

I know I’m like Thomas, but that I need to touch…
even if that means my blessing will be less!

But it seems to me that poverty in heaven
is better than our abundance in the pit.

Yet here I am cursing the blessings You have given.
What is wrong with me!

I’m sorry.
    Yet I’m angry.

And all I really want is to talk with You.
Wait…no, is for You to talk to me.


This time I will try and listen.
This time I will try to obey.

I promise.

Even as I say that I doubt
    …not You…me.

I doubt.

But I’ll wait.
There is nothing else I can do…

except…

Thank You for Your promises.
Thank You for Your faithfulness.
Thank You for Your mercy, grace and love.
Thank You for Your abundance.

I’ll even try and thank You for the pit.
I’ll try.

And I’ll wait…
I’ll listen…for You to speak again.