Where In My Hell…

When I feel like this, who do I tell?

Do I tell the one who hurts me?
Do I tell the little ones who rely on me?
Do I tell the family and friends who we need to uphold us?

Really, who do I tell?

It seems like I tell You all the time.
A L L T H E T I M E!
But I can’t seem to find out how to hear You.
Are You speaking to me?
Are You answering me?
If so, I can’t seem to tune You in!
I’ll take the blame for that…but can You fix it?
Because I sure can’t.
I don’t think humanity can.
How many of us are crying out and finding only silence?

I am mad.
I am hurt.
I am tired.
And I am lonely.

How can I go on in this condition?
Will You at least answer this question!
If You won’t tell me why…
If You won’t tell me how much longer…
Can You at least tell me how to go on…one more day!

I want to yell.
I want to cry.
I want to hit things.
I want to leave…or at lest for it to end.

I can’t even enjoy the few good days,
because I know what is coming tomorrow.

Look at how many times I’ve said “I.”
I realize that.
But how else am I to express myself?

It is hard to praise through tears.
It is hard to trust when you’ve been tripped so many times.
It is hard to be thankful when you see your children hurting as much as you are.

Where in my hell are You?
You said that if we made our bed in the depths that You would be there.
Well, I’m here. Where are You!?!

You pulled Peter out,
Kept him from drowning.
Do You still do those sorts of things?

Family.
Work.
Money.
Security.
Sexuality.
Friendship.

You said You came to give us life to the fullest.
Well, my tank is running past empty and on fumes.

I’m hiding in my office.
I guess I should go home now.
I’ve got to take care of everything.
I’ve got to protect my boys.

Guess I’ve got to be the punching bag.

You’ve been called the ‘Gentle Healer,’
Are You?
Care to do some healing?

You’ve been called the ‘Creator,’
Can You still?
Care to create something new and beautiful?


I’ve been told that You can do more than I can ask or imagine.
Well, I’m asking for a lot…but I honestly can’t imagine it ever happening.
Why imagine anymore?
That only leads to pain and disappointment.

I know I disappoint You.
All the time.
A L L T H E T I M E.

Shall we stop disappointing one another?
Please give me the strength to live as You would have me to.
Please give me wisdom to understand
Eyes to see
And ears to hear

I’m listening.
I’m waiting.

I’m heading home.

Will You be there?